How to Enchant a Man: Flirting 101

Flirting is mostly nonverbal. It's wearing a killer outfit that makes you feel powerful and sexy. It's that lingering glance across a room, a hand drawn through soft, fragrant hair, an alluring smile…These are subtle witcheries, and they are made up of psychological, verbal, and sensual components. Here are the top flirting techniques. Feel free to apply these in different scenarios, as warranted by the occasion. Just remember to take your time and to keep the pace slow. Don't scare off your potential romantic partner by coming on too strong or too fast. Let them wonder about you.

These flirtations start out pretty mildly. They range from suggestions on your personal appearance to the initial contact. As the list continues, the degree of flirting gets taken up to a more serious and intense level. These flirting techniques run the gamut from "Here I am!" to "Don't you wish you had me?" to "Come and get me, big guy!"

Wear high heels. Find a pair of comfortable and flattering heels, and wear them. They are flattering to the legs, and men love high heels. They also make you walk completely differently than if you were bopping around in wearing tennis shoes. You will move more deliberately in heels, a bit slower. It's just one of those mysteries of life, but women do feel taller, sexier, and more powerful in a great pair of shoes—and men do notice.

Show a little leg. Wear a skirt or dress that shows off your legs. It doesn't have to be super short or have a slip up to the mid-thigh to be sexy. Go for alluring and classy. Wear that style and length of skirt that you feel great in.

Wear lipstick. A painted mouth is a sexy mouth. Whether you go for pale honey tones or deep, dark red, lipstick draws attention to your mouth, and there is something about a painted mouth that just yanks a guy's chain. This subtle witchery makes you more alluring, and it announces, "Here I am" and "Don't you wish you had me?" all at the same time.

Paint your fingernails. Whether you have long nails or short, trim them up and paint them. If you have shorter nails, try painting them in a soft, sheer nude color. It makes your fingernails look clean and pretty, and your hands will look elegant and attractive. If you feel more daring, paint those nails deep red or even darker shades of burgundy, violet, or plum. (Please, no chipped fingernail polish. It's so tacky! Take the time to freshen up that manicure before you go out.) Also, moisturize your hands. Nope, not kidding. Make the skin smooth and soft. This way, when you gesture with your hands, he notices that you take good care of yourself.

Wear black. It's always in style and it's sexy, mysterious, and slimming!

Wear a shade of red. If you can pull off a bright siren-red dress, suit, or sweater, go for it! Bright red too much for you? Then wear deeper shades of red, from crimson to burgundy. How about deep pink? If the shade flatters your complexion and coloring, try it. The deep pink shade will get you noticed.

Don't sit with other women all night. Most men are probably not going to approach you if you are gabbing away in a pack of gals. Circulate the room and look for an opportunity to introduce yourself.

Repeated, brief eye contact. The "I see you; do you see me?" Look again a few moments later, and check to see if he's looking back.

Smile! (You'd be surprised how often we overlook this one!)

Eye contact and a smile. This is for the"Hey, he is looking!" moments. Now that you have his attention, look at him again, meet his eyes, and smile.

Look over your shoulder and smile. This is a classic signal that you are interested in him. It also looks glamorous and fantastic. So as you circulate around, turn and toss him a slow smile over your shoulder.

Get up, go over, and introduce yourself. With a smile and confidence. You can't just sit there and hope he'll work his way over. What are you, a Victorian heroine out of a romance novel or something? Get out there, girl!

Pay a compliment, receive a smile. Now that you have introduced yourself, try a compliment: "I love that tie" or "You have the most interesting eye color"—that sort of thing. Be kind, and be charming.

Light banter, exchanging compliments. This usually occurs right after the introductory compliment and smiling at each other stage.

Watch your language. Sure, we all lose our tempers from time to time and let rip a vocabulary with colorful expletives—however, when it comes to enchanting a man, I doubt you're going to captivate him by swearing like a sailor.

Whisper. It draws them in closer.

Wink. A saucy little wink, a toss of the head, and you've definitely got his attention.

Play with your hair. Your hair is your crowning glory, and it is an often-overlooked tool for flirting. Run your hand gently down your hair or slowly tuck a bit behind your ear. The key words here are gentle and slow. Make the movements luxurious, as if you have all the time in the world. You want to snag their attention, not make them flinch out of the way because you are throwing your hair around like you're in a shampoo commercial.

Cross your legs. Arch your back gently and cross your legs high. Then slowly run your hand down your thigh for a moment. Now check for his reaction. This maneuver falls into the "Don't you wish you had me?" category.

Look him over from head to toe, nod with approval, and then smile at him. This one falls into the"Come and get me" category.

Lick your lips, slowly. Yes, this falls into the "Come and get me" category, too. If you are purposefully doing this, then you are going to scramble his brains. So make sure this is what—and who—you want before you toss this overtly sexual flirtation his way.

Touch. Last, but not least, we come to "the touch." This can be performed in varying degrees, from a slight touch on his arm while you are speaking to running your hand down the lapel of his suit or trailing a fingertip down his arm while keeping eye contact. (Now you know why it's important to have your hands looking nice—if you touch him, he's going to look down at your hands.) In the flirting stage, I recommend that you keep your touch brief, limit your touching to his arm or shoulder, and keep the mood light, playful, and friendly.

Excerpted from How to Enchant a Man, by Ellen Dugan