Introduction. Our goal here is not so much formulaic as it a reminder of what romance and sexual interaction can be, as it was when “we were young and filled with anticipation for the great adventure that is Love’s Promise.” Even then, often in ignorance and driven by hormones and various pressures, the promise was more often disappointment, frustration, and sometimes a broken heart.
The Goal: It may be one of simple pleasures or it may be intended to accomplish a magickal purpose. Either way, foreknowledge is necessary for consciously developing all the stages of the Event.
The Event itself: On this Date Night they will go out to a restaurant for dinner, perhaps follow with other traditional date night activities—dancing, a concert, a movie, conversation, etc. Married or otherwise, they will end up “at home”— his, hers, or theirs, or possibly a hotel, resort, or a barrowed “cottage-by-the-sea.”
Romance & Courtship: There is an important element in such event planning and that is the awareness of how psychologically important (even if denied or presumed outdated) traditional male and female roles are—mostly in regard to old-fashioned etiquette where the man opens doors, seats the lady, perhaps gives her a gift of perfume or a flower, and otherwise shows that he cherishes her and sees her as special. In a sense each Date Night should be a "courtship" and not a direct-to-bed program. It is equally important for the woman to treat Date Night in her special ways of extra care in bathing, under-clothing, make-up, hair, etc. Likewise, the place of their sexual encounter should be made as romantic as feasible.
Anticipation:
They—They both know what the Goal is, pleasurable or magickal. No one uses the other unknowingly in either. With either goal, “romance” adds considerably to the adventure and the arousal, retention, and release of sexual energy, i.e. Astral Power.
She—Sexual anticipation involves more feelings for a woman, and with foreknowledge she makes plans that will relate to the breadth of her preparations.
He—He sees the matter from a perspective of what must be done to start the encounter, and then will let things happen.
Astral—The woman’s imagination is brought into play at the very start. She fantasizes about what she will wear and may make choices she knows or believes will enhance her attractiveness. Perhaps she knows what will be sexually stimulating to him, and includes some items accordingly. She looks ahead, beyond what she will wear to the restaurant to what she will wear on the way to bed, perhaps in bed, and possibly what she will wear in the morning. He likewise decides what to wear, but without much imagination beyond what he conceives as appropriate to the restaurant.
Magick—Magick is energy, and it is given direction by the establishment of a goal. The magician recognizes the value of each step as it stimulates the build-up and flow of energy, and has in mind how it will be directed to the goal. In magick, it is necessary to consciously relate every detail to the arousal, retention, and discharge of energy into the envisioned goal—which may require the presence of physical objects such as a talisman to be anointed or divinatory to be used or something representative of a construction.
Planning:
They—Knowing the Goal is separate from knowing the Event—but knowledge of the Event influences the Planning so both must know sufficient details of the event to plan accordingly. Once the goal is known, and the locale and structure of the event is determined, various details can also be planned—especially so if the partners are on familiar grounds and have uses for particular accessories, toys, or aids, whether pleasurable or magickal.
She—She leaves the initial step to him. They will go out for dinner and other possible pre-sex romantic activities. Knowing the Event will determine a great deal of her initial actions. She is more concerned with minute details than he is, starting with her bath and clothing choices. Planning for dancing, she chooses sexy heels and a dress that shows her legs and figure.
He—Determines the restaurant: it could have been only a pizza and beer joint or a fancy (expensive) restaurant; possibly in a hotel should a hotel room be the “home” setting. In this instance, he has chosen a nice restaurant with music and dancing. He’ll have a quick shower, and put on a suit and tie.
Astral—If the goal is pleasure, then Imagination is charged with sexual energy from the beginning. The choice of dress and accessories further builds the energy charge.
Magick—if the goal is magickal, the imagination is charged with planning the details of ritual action even though it does depend upon mutual sexual pleasure to raise the energy and substance necessary to complete the discharge of energy. With a magickal decision, the addition of material items is important and each choice adds to the charge.
Act One:
They—Knowing that the event involves dinner at a quality restaurant where fine food is served with some degree of drama and the décor encourages conversation and romantic dancing is part of the attraction, each partner can make decisions.
She—She chooses her dress, shoes, jewelry, make-up, and does her hair with the sensual pleasure a woman has. She makes herself look good and feel good, and her sexual feelings are always present. She may choose some of her outfit to be sexually stimulating both to him and herself. Fetishism is always in play and applies to both wearer and observer in complementary fashion. Her choice of shoes, jewelry, and underwear is particularly made with fetishistic awareness even if it remains mostly subconscious.
He—His choices have little to do with sexuality and more to do with utility and the image he cares to project. Most of his decisions are made with little emotion, and without much reference to the impression they will make on her but more with the impression they may make on the restaurant people.
Dressing is a woman’s game: she puts her body into clothes, while he puts clothes on his body. She is concerned with her inner feelings and expressing herself; if the situation warrants it he is concerned with impressing others—mostly other men. This is the origin of uniforms.
Astral—Her imagination is in high gear, and is charged with sexual energy. Because many of her clothing choices have sensual aspects: the height of her heels, the sensation of swinging earrings, the feeling of a bracelet, the pressure of tight clothing or the swish of loose clothing, etc. the sexual charge is physically anchored. But the very concept of “fashion” further charges her emotions with feelings of attractiveness, of elegance, of sexiness, and likely awareness of sexual arousal in her partner. He is aroused by not only her appearance but by her own arousal as her magnetic energy attracts his electrical response. And he sees her feminine perfection as a reflection of his power. She is his “trophy.”
Magickal—Her magnetic energy stirs and attracts his electrical energy—which in turn is projected to her and increases her magnetic charge which slowly extends outward to embrace and hold him. The slowness with which these energies are raised influences how long they will endure, and the longer they endure, the greater their potential power.
Act Two:
They—The restaurant ambiance encourages comfortable conversation across the table, perhaps recalling humorous events with friends and family, perhaps discussing plans for future vacations or perhaps other matters of shared interest. One of the other may reach across to touch the others hand, or even a cheek.
Following dinner, they dance, and with the embrace and shared rhythm of dancing together, romantic feelings are intensified, and it is likely that sexual arousal begins. Dancing involves touch of two bodies, and provides opportunities for him to caress her ears and neck, to press against her breasts, pelvis, and thighs. The rhythmic movements of her pelvis may even lead to orgasm and if so she is ready for more.
She—This is the act she would write: she looks stunning, she feels attractive and sexy, and she feels his love and desire for her and responds. Her gestures, her facial expressions, the look in her eyes speak volumes. She is flooded with the “Power of Attraction,” and his energies are drawn to her. All of this is reflected on the astral plane in swirls of color.
He—He is enamored. She glories in her femininity and he in his masculinity: she is magnetic and he is electric; she is attracting and he is projecting. His projection is embraced by her attraction. At the energetic level, her magnetic field may even be strong enough to embrace his penis strongly enough for both to feel. His need is to act with restraint, which may amuse her.
Astral—Astral energies are swirling and merging, and astral substance pervades their bodies and the atmosphere around them. Other couples are affected by it and in other circumstances the result could be an orgy.
Magickal—These energies are aroused and intensified as the polarities are stirred and stirred. The physical and astral bodies are reservoirs of highly charged energy that should not yet be released.
Act Three:
They—They are ready to go home. Their shared concern is to keep their feelings and desires high and hope that nothing “mundane” happens to brings them down to earth.
She—She is filled with anticipation. She feels filled with love and yearns to open herself to him.
He—He is filled with love and passion.
Astral—The energies that were swirling before are now focused and have the appearance of encircling dark red flames of passion.
Magickal—The tension is palpable; the goal is to build it and retain it. Both partners are prepared to focus the direction of their energies to the magickal goal.
Act Four:
They—The goals determine the play. If magickal, they need to ready the stage, change costume as may be required, lay out the material objects that may be called for, and start the ritual. If pleasurable, the stage may be as simple as bed or involve something of a “play area.” In any case, the script is basically pre-determined. The most important guideline is summed up in the title of an important book, She Comes First by Dr. Ian Kerner. This requires cooperation and mutual understanding, but above all recognitions of the importance of the concept that her sexuality becomes their sexuality.
She—Her goal is to be pleasured and she may need to direct his attention and manipulations to match her desires, or they may already know the script. Her desire is to reach a pre-orgasmic level and sustain it, and then to release it in orgasm. Then they start over and she reaches one or more additional orgasms.
He—His goal is to build and sustain her pleasure to and through several orgasms while holding back his own. This is not “selfless” on his part because her pleasure becomes his pleasure as her energies cycle through and around his body. He is challenged to “hold back” but experience and training delivers great benefits. He, too, may be able to experience multiple orgasms (with or without ejaculation), or at least a long sustained one.
Whether they rest and “do it again,” drift comfortably in “Gnostic Trance” into a night of sleep is a matter of experience and choice.
Simply stated, a woman’s body is better suited to greater and more sustained pleasure than is a man’s, but with knowledge and training, a man can give a woman more pleasure and sustain it longer, and in so doing discover that his own pleasure can be increased and sustained to actually match hers. Together, they can reach and “fly over the moon.”
It is in Act Four that Sex Magickal training contributes to either pleasurable or magickal goals for both call for more arousal and sustainment of the peak experience. See the recommended books for guidance.
Astral—The dark red flames of passion are now a rosy glowing aura surrounding both partners. The energy expended has largely permeated both physical and astral bodies, healing areas of stress, smoothing and soothing mental and emotional conflict, and opening the "crown chakras to receive higher energies and inspiration.
Magickal—See Act Five.
Act Five: the Magickal Climax:
They—Together they work to direct the powerful sexual energies to fulfill their pre-determined magickal goal in the manner they together established. It may be to charge an idea or a symbol representing that idea, it may be to charge a talisman to continue delivering that goal (which might be weight loss, self-confidence, or other longer term objective), it might be to charge a divinatory tool with a particular question, or it might involve the gathering and use of their combined sexual fluids through anointment or mutual consumption.
Every step will have been outlined in the ritual script with details just as important as those in a chemical formula, an architectural blueprint, a gourmet recipe, a detailed marketing plan, or any other complex procedure where each step and every ingredient are vital to success of the whole program.
Summary of Purpose & User Benefits: Sexual interaction, especially within marriage and established relationships, all too often loses the battle with disparate schedules, the needs of children, stress, worries about finance, career, and the loss of perspective. There are even problems related to shared closet space, the embarrassment of expressing desire and need, and other factors that every couple is well familiar with.
That’s the benefit of a “program”—it’s out in the open and provision is made both of mutuality and for individual expressions. There should be an objective role for “fun & games,” for toys and role-playing, and for surprises and familiarity.
There’s recognition of genuine benefits for physical & emotional health, of the magical benefits, and the truly mystical.